Hillary's Choice For Secretary of State..... SPICOLLI!

Breaking News: You probably haven’t even heard this yet, but it seems that President Bush is actively seeking to overturn the 22nd Amendment, the amendment that limits the terms of the president. It seems that Bush not only has found a way to legally overturn that amendment, but has also found a loophole that will allow him to enact martial law and effectively remain our president forever. And do you know what, I think this is a great plan, and one that all Americans should get behind.

Alright, calm down, the above is not really happening, at least not in America, however it did almost happen in Venezuela, where Hugo Chavez sought to amend the constitution to allow him to seek re-election indefinitely? Fortunately this proposal was defeated, although I doubt that means Chavez will go away quietly.

The interesting thing about these two scenarios is that if this was Bush we were talking about, Americans would be up in arms and would storm the White House – and rightfully so. I think the outrage on the right would be incredible, but imagine the outrage on the left – it would be eleven on the Richter Scale.

And yet the same people on the left that would never allow this to happen here actually support the actions of Chavez. Well, lets be clear here: I don’t think we’re talking about everyone on the left, I don’t even think we’re talking about most on the left, but we are talking about the real brain trust of the left: celebrities.

Like dictator-groupie Sean Penn who told Australia’s The Age that Venezuelan autocrat Hugo Chavez is “much more positive for Venezuela than he is negative” and the Chavez-crafted constitution is “a very beautiful document.”

Apparently Spicolli has no issue with Chavez closing down the TV station that criticized him, or the fact that he continues to deny the Holocaust. And yes, we all got that message about Bush. I know, America is the dictatorship. That's why after the premiere of “Lions for Lambs,” Tom Cruise, Meryl Streep and Robert Redford were hooded and shipped to Gitmo.

One question, Sean. How easy do you think it would be for the average Venezuelan to criticize Chavez the way you criticize Bush?

And of course it’s just not Sean Penn that supports Chavez, but Danny Glover, Kevin Spacey, and supermodel Naomi Campbell. And with all these great minds using their time to promote Chavez, whose working on a cure for cancer and bringing peace to the Middle East. No wonder the U.K. Times calls these people the “Useful idiot A-List.”

And have you ever asked yourself WHY all these people support Chavez? Simple: He hates Bush, and they hate Bush. Look, I’m not real fond of Al Sharpton, but that doesn’t mean I want the KKK supporting me.

I’m going to let you in on a little-known secret: Celebrities are idiots. If you need any proof, all you need to do is watch “Celebrity Week” on Jeopardy. Then, after you’ve done that watch “Junior High School Week” on Jeopardy, and then compare the two. That should give you a good clue.

In 1988 Noted scientist and oceanographer Ted Danson – Yes, Ted Danson from Cheers – stated that in 10 years (by 1998) our oceans would be dead from pollution, and that we too would be dead. Well 1998 came and went, and the oceans were doing pretty good. Then five more years went by without a single ocean dying, and in honor of Ted’s obvious misinformation, The group OCEANA – which acts as a “watchdog” for the oceans – denounced Danson’s rantings as those of an uneducated dolt. Oh wait, that’s not what happened. In honor of Ted Danson - the ultimate Ocean Hero - the Ted Danson Ocean Hero Award was established in 2003 to “honor recipients who embody Ted's vision as bold and staunch defenders of our oceans.”

I’d like to talk further about this issue, but I have to cut it short. I’m late for a conference on the impact of globalization on subterranean farming and irrigation systems in lower African nations. The keynote speaker is the guy who played “Skippy” on Family Ties. I’m so excited…..